someone threw a dead crab at me
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
