I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize