take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
People in love make me want to vomit
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
