Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
