is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
