ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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