Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Terrible idea I love it
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
