So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I could have mohawked her pubes.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
