This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
