Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
