Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
