so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
