Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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