Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
FUCK WHALES
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
