She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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