he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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