so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Are my feet made of real feet?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
