Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
All the doctor said was why
Randomize