So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
