he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
