toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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