This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
