Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
