Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize