don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
