i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
