ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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