umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
It's never too late to be topless.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
