We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
