4 words: hood of his car
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
