i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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