According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
there is another microwave in the elevator.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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