Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
