theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
