I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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