I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
