Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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