K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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