Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
are you still at the devil's house?
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
