We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
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