It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
