There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
