I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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