PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
