I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
