i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
