if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
