I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
