You smell like stripper and shame
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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