I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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