Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
