She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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