i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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