I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
