this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
