I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
My pussy is not your playground.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
