We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
