That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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