Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
