The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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