everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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