i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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