She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
