Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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