...so i touched it.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
