I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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