She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
