When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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