Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
