he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
