actually, I'm a sock model
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
