Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
