He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
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