i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
