Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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