I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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